Working Without a Net

I'm having one of those days where I have stuff to say but I'm not quite sure how to say it.

As I said in my inaugural post, this blog is mainly about my experiences with LOA. Of course, by saying that I gave this thing A PURPOSE and now I feel like I have to remain germane to the plot, even when all I want to talk about is my day.

Then I realized that my day is part of the journey and, therefore, fair game.

Or, at least, that's how I've decided to look at it.

So, anyway, on Saturday I saw a status on FB that got me thinking. This friend was talking about how she'd just gotten an offer for a job that was closer to home and had better hours and pay than her current job. She sounded really happy and excited and that she's already decided to take the job. You'd think that would be the end of it but it wasn't. The reason for her status update was not to announce that she'd found this awesome opportunity, but to say that she was trying to figure out how she could do BOTH jobs.

When she elaborated, one of the things she said was that she knows she can continue working for her current employer long after other places might pass her over due to age. The hours sucked, the commute was hell, and it wasn't sufficiently challenging, but it was (and would always be) there.

It's her safety net.

I think she should take the leap and quit the old job--she's doing herself any favors by trying to hold onto it. She's got this wonderful opportunity and she's turning it into something stressful by trying to figure out how she's going to juggle two full-time jobs. And if she tries the juggling act then when (not if) she gets burned out, she'll end up back at her safety net, with the long commute and crappy hours, because it's safe.

Here's the problem with safety nets: They can catch you but they can also trap you.

So, in an earlier post I mentioned how I'd made some changes to my work schedule. Specifically, that I reduced my work day to 8hrs from the "work until you make enough" method that I was using previously. I said that it was working for me, and it was... sort of. I certainly wasn't making any LESS but I was also not making enough. And I was still working way too hard for WAY too little a return.

Let me explain about my job.

I actually have two jobs with this company: I'm a freelance writer and I also do something called titling.

As a writer, I like that I can pick what I want to write. On the other, I haven't found anything interesting in months.

There are thousands of titles but they are all poorly categorized--like the hundreds of automotive titles under healthcare. As a result, I haven't written for this company in a while. Every now and then I find something marginally interesting, grab it, then release it because I just can't seem to give a shit.


Writing pays $15 a pop. On a good day I could write five articles but it might take me eight hours. One reason is that content production doesn't really match my writing style. Like I said before, I like making shit up: pure embellishment with broad strokes of hyperbole.

There is no room for hyperbole in the world of web content. We have templates and guidelines and we have to follow a very specific style.I am fully capable of writing this way, I just don't like it. I find it stifling and I feel like I'm in school-writing a never ending assignment for English Comp 101.

But I digress.

I loved titling because on a good day I could make $40/hr. ($60 on a REALLY good day). I loved it because work was plentiful and consistent, I could work any time of day and I didn't have to work a lot. I loved it because the management seemed to give a shit and because they promised (IN WRITING) that there would always be work available. I loved it... and then they had to go and fuck things up.

First, we ran out of work. And, when people asked about it they made with the "We never promised you a rose garden" speech. Actually, they did. They specifically said "You will never run out of work." After a little more than a year I realize that this company likes to make big, bold announcements that are only marginally rooted in reality then say "How could we have known it wouldn't work?" when called on it. Uh... because it's YOUR JOB to know.

Then they changed the system. They created all new job titles, made people reapply, got rid of a lot of people, changed the interface and cut pay. The system goes down more often than a $2 hooker, it sticks and hangs and titles have run out for anywhere from hours, to days. At one point, we were without titles for MONTHS. There have been two times when system was so slow bad that nobody was able to work at all. We had a huge backlog of titles but no one was able to do them. On a good day, I can average about $20/hr. There aren't a lot of good days. During the really bad times, I was lucky to make $5/hr.

They became assholes. They keep moving and changing the criteria. For a while, we didn't have any clear criteria and we were often told to use our best judgment. Unfortunately, if our judgment didn't match theirs, we were penalized: Warning, then Probation then Removal. So there's always this worry that you'll pick one too many bad titles, or reject one two many good title (based on vague and nebulous criteria) and be out. Meanwhile, they'd "fix" the system on a Friday night only to make it ten times worse, then leave it that way the whole weekend.

Even though it was getting harder and harder to make a living and I was getting deeper in the hole, I put up with it.

Why?

Because it was A paycheck, even if it was a bullshit paycheck.
Because looking for a job sucks.
Because it USED TO BE a really cool job and I kept hoping it would go back to being the job that I wanted and needed.
Because, sometimes, it would get better and give me hope that things were improving.
Because I was afraid to move outside of my comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable)

Because I was caught in my own safety net.

So, last Tuesday I applied for another job. Last Thursday I had the interview. The interview went well and I feel 90% positive that I got it. The other 10% is hopeful and has everything crossed. This job is not The Solution, it's only 30 hrs./week and only pays $14/hr., but I'm excited to get it anyway.

I still have to supplement this income with other work but at least I have a foundation. I work 30 hours, I make $420. Right now, I work 30 hours, I make... who the hell knows.

They take out taxes. A BIG plus because, I hardly paid any taxes last year and I owe $5000 to the IRS. I'll take employee deductions any day.

It's just as flexible as titling: I can work anywhere there's high speed internet and I can work at any time of day.

So, it's much like titling except more reliable.

But, like my friend, I found myself trying to figure out how I could juggle both jobs. I kept telling myself that I could do titling in the AM then this other job in the afternoons and, the entire time, I felt this lump in my chest at the thought of titling.

Well, this weekend I had to pull some marathon sessions because my Friday paycheck was short, again, some more. I was back to working all day, and into the night. I was back to not going to the gym in favor of getting work done. I needed to hustle to get a shitload done in time for Tuesday's pay. I did it, and I was miserable the whole time. Mainly because I had to do the same thing last weekend, and the weekend before that, and every single weekend since I can remember.

I realized that I needed to follow the same advice that I gave my friend. I needed to let go of that safety net.

So I'm done with titling. Whether or not I get that other job (and I really hope I do), I'm done with titling. Life is too short and they've gotten enough of my time.

What am I going to do if I don't get that other job? I still have writing, and there are other opportunities. I'll figure it out. Right now, it feels good to be done with this.