Addicted to Feeling Bad

I have read a lot of self-help books that focus on the Law of Attraction. One of the issues I have with those books is that they might work and should work, but often don’t. The main premise of every, single, one of these books was that manifesting prosperity was a simple matter of thinking (or feeling) it into being -- Of sending out good vibrations to attract good vibrations back.

I believe in the law of attraction. I believe that we get back exactly what we put out. I also believe that, as in What the Bleep Do We Know, that we can get caught in the vicious metaphysical cycle where negativity can grow exponentially, constantly feeding on itself and everything else around it. And I believe that negativity is, in many ways, stronger than positivity -- stronger but not necessarily more powerful (but more on that later).

Negativity is like a cancer. It grows and spreads and, often, you don’t even realize how far it has gone until things start falling apart. And by the time that happens it’s way too late and things have already started to snowball. Negativity is sneaky and insidious and… delicious.

The taste of negativity is like holding an ice-cold knife between your teeth -- Cold, metallic, sharp, unyielding. At first the metal taste fills the mouth but, after a while you don’t taste it at all. The metal warms to your mouth and the metal taste becomes part of everything else and you kind of, settle into it until that metallic taste becomes sweet and smooth, like vanilla ice cream.

Meanwhile, on a cellular level, your adrenal glands are pumping what seems like gallons of adrenaline and cortisol into your system, making you edgy and nervous and oh so very, very high. And your cells are screaming: “Give me more!” So you find more things to get angry about, you find more stuff to scare yourself with, or you just keep rehashing the same old stuff, anything to keep it flowing -- that delicious cold metal and adrenaline cocktail.

And if even if you have the presence of mind to say: “Hey, wait a minute. This isn’t getting me anywhere… This isn’t working… I need to stop” it doesn’t really stop. There’s that brief moment of lucidity then something else sets it off.

I remember one time when I was angry with my grandmother. I was going on and on about this thing that she does all the time and how it just pissed… me… off so much that I couldn’t stand even being around her. Then I realized what was up and I said to myself: “You know, you’ve really got to let this go. You really need to move on and just live and let live. You’re not going to change her and she’s not going to change herself and…”

And it was at that point that I pissed myself off again! “Why *can’t* she change? Why should *I* have to accept it. She gets to go on doing what she does, while the rest of us have to put up with it. Why do *we* have to be the better people?”

And on, and on.

Negativity it’s like a sugary snack that you can’t stop eating and makes you sick because of it. But you keep eating it, even after you start vomiting.

I think the reason that a lot of those books fail is not because the Law of Attraction isn’t real, but because none of these books really takes into account the whole addiction to negativity thing and none of them really tells you how to actually Feel It. Because, the thing is, you can think it and say it all you want but that’s not what makes it so.

If you don’t believe, it doesn’t matter.

And here’s one fundamental truth, believing is easy when it’s already perceived to be true.

It’s no secret, that it’s easy to be positive when things are already going well. But what happens when you’re eyeball-deep in debt and all your coworkers are getting laid off and your workload has increased and your boss is breathing down your neck because your productivity has gone down and you’ve taken a 10% pay cut and you’re a month late on the utility bills and the cupboards are bare?

In short, what happens when you are a very naked, very vulnerable infant in a world full of rabid, hungry, dingoes?

In that instance, there is not a single good thought or affirmation that’s going to change the fact that you are, metaphorically (and possibly literally) screwed. Repeating “I’m OK” over and over isn’t going to stop the rising tide of terror. And what was intended to be a calming mantra will be barely recognizable over the shrieking.

All of these books, in their wisdom, neglect to tell you the one, most important thing -- How to stop the bleeding. Most people don’t look to self help books when things are fine any more than they call a lawyer when they’re not in trouble. Because when things are fine THEY DON’T NEED HELP. Most Self-help books are written with long-term growth in mind, and most readers are looking for an instant solution to a very immediate problem.

And the Catch-22 of the Law of Attraction is that you have to be in a relatively positive place in order to get to a positive place.

So, back to the idea that negativity is stronger, but not more powerful, than positivity. What does that mean? Well, think of a big, beefy body builder and a wiry, little ninja. The body builder is stronger than the ninja but his only weapon is brute force. The ninja is faster and more agile and has spent years training to subdue a larger, stronger opponent.

So why does it seem to take so long for the positive happen? Because we first have to undo our negative thought patterns. And, just like the wiry ninja fighting the body builder, it takes time and patience and a lot of evasive maneuvers.

The key is to somehow grab on to even the smallest kernel of positivity and nurture it. You may be drowning but, at least, the water is warm. In even the darkest of times there is a light. It may be small, dim and distant-- it may even be an oncoming train--but it’s there.