Feel it Real

One of my biggest pet peeves about most books on the Law of Attraction is that they always tell you to think happy thoughts.

Well, not really--I'm being way too simplistic.

What they say is to visualize what you want and believe that it is already yours. To focus on the positive and all the things that you have instead of what you do not.

And it makes sense...

Until rent's due and your paycheck is $100 short. Or your car starts making troubling noises while you're a week behind on the car payment.

Then, just about all you can think about is what you don't have because it's keeping you from doing what you need--much less what you want.

This year started difficult for me, and I spent a good deal of it trying my damnedest to focus on the positive--even when I felt like I was going to implode.

I did my best to believe that my situation was improving, even while it continued to deteriorate.

I made every effort to ignore the stress, depression, fear and rage.

And that's where I fucked up.

Here's the deal.

Sometimes... Often times... Oh hell, all the time, you gotta feel that feel. Even when it's some negative, stank-assed shit.

Don't dwell on it, don't wallow in it. But, for the love of god, FEEL it.

Because it's going to happen, no matter what.

Throwing happy thoughts at bad feelings doesn't make them go away. Any more than ignoring bullies makes them stop threatening to kick your ass after school.

Now, when I wake up stressed and I tell myself "I'm stressed."

I don't tell myself to think about puppies and rainbows. I don't tell myself to list five things for which I am grateful. I don't tell myself that I'm smart, successful and, gosh darnit, people like me!

I tell myself to examine what I'm feeling. Is it just stress or is there something else mixed in? Is it just a mild twinge or is it the paralyzing, chest-crushing kind of stress? And, most importantly, what the hell is going on to make me feel this way?

Most times it has to do with money -- needing it, not having it, getting it -- what else is new?

I acknowledge what's going on, figure out what I can and can't do about it, and focus on the "cans." Even if the only "can" on the list is getting my sorry ass out of bed.

Then I make with the puppies and rainbows and "Hot Damn! But it's a beautiful morning!"

Otherwise, I end up spending my day trying to spread butter on a shit sandwich.

By acknowledging my feelings, and even embracing them, I can diffuse them. I can talk myself down from the ledge and actually see the whole picture, rather than making a bad decision out of short-sighted panic and desperation.

Does it work 100% of the time? Hell no. There are some days when my feelings are so negative I can barely think straight. there are days that I have to do this exercise over, and over and over because those feelings keep coming back. There are days when they sneak up on me until I realize I've been gnashing my teeth for hours.

But there are more days where I can turn things around and keep things in perspective.

Do I believe that a lottery win is around the corner?

I'm not quite there yet.

But I am a lot more relaxed and happier than I was when I ignored my feelings in favor of "happy thoughts."