Oh yeah? Say that to me again, tomorrow.

Five years ago I wrote a rant about being "rich" and whatnot. It was influenced by, what I felt was, an insensitive forum comment to my description of a distressing situation. The person in question pointed out that, despite my loss, I was actually rich in comparison.

I find that the reception of 100 percent of all advice (good or bad) is a matter of timing. People say things that are intended to be comforting and, sometimes, they just come off all wrong. Or, not knowing the whole situation, they push a button they didn't know existed. As was the case five years ago.


The person in question intended to ease my mind by reminding me of all the stuff I still HAD instead of focusing on the comparatively small amount I'd LOST. Unfortunately, the way it was said and the way I perceived it did quite the opposite: I focused MORE on what I DIDN'T have.


We all have triggers. We all have things in our past that shape our present. I never understand people in personals ads who specify "No Baggage" as a relationship requirement. WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE. Some may have MORE baggage. Some may have BIGGER baggage. But we all have baggage. You do not get through this world without carrying some residue of past experiences with you.


The difference is how you carry it.

Growing up poor is both a badge of honor for me (Ha! I Survived!) and a mark of Shame. Both are in my bag. Along with all the times I went without and all the times my sense of security was threatened. And, with all that's been going on these past few months,  I've been handling that baggage a LOT--carrying it, shuffling the contents, keeping it in easy reach in event of "emergency". And the thing is, compared to all the positive stuff I have, that bag is pretty small.. HEAVY but small. Five years ago, I was slinging that bag around for all it was worth. Hell, I still sling it.

And don't you dare tell me I can put the damned thing down when I'm in the midst of a full on swing. Cause I'll put it down alright, and unpack it all over you. I know it's not fair but, that's what you get for jumping in front of a moving train.


There are several things that I have learned from experience:

You don't get in the middle of two people (or dogs) fighting, and when someone is upset (be it grief, anger or any strong emotion) and venting, Shut up, listen and Commiserate. Save the wise words for when they've calmed down. Because they will not hear it otherwise.

It doesn't mean you have to take it if someone is being abusive towards you. But if they are using you as a sounding board, asking RHETORICAL questions like "WHY ME!" just shut up and listen. And for God's Sake do NOT attempt to explain "Why You". They are in a deep, dark, narrow place and all they can see is the light, or lack thereof in the end.

There is no perspective in tunnel vision.

So, after a night's sleep and a chance to calm down I can put the damned bag down and actually listened to the INTENT of what this person said to me. I was able to focus on the things I HAD instead of what I'd LOST.

Sometimes it just takes time, distance and a night's rest.